I had a night shift. A lady approaches and tells me that she’s going home to rest with her children. She said she knew her husband was in a very bad condition but they are deciding to go because they aren’t doing anything there. That in case the inevitable happened, to please call them on either one of the two numbers they left.
At four in the morning the patient passed away. When they arrived they asked for permission to say goodbye. They got around the bed and said goodbye in their own way, while I waited outside to respect such an intimate moment. When they finished they thanked us and even though they smiled, they had a sad look in their eyes. I asked if they were okay and the answer was: he became ill years ago, we have cared for him with love but it was necessary for him to go; he rests and so do we.
It was wonderful to hear them and I thought: I’d like a goodbye like that. Everything would be easier for both parties. In that way, whoever leaves can do so with the serenity of those who stay. It’ll be a long road but it should be us, the ones who stay here longer, to make that possible. Something that would help a lot would be, to free ourselves of the taboos that tie us to ancient customs, from our ancestors.
When I was little I heard older people say: the more you cry for them, the more you show that you love them. I didn’t respond anymore, but I thought I’d be too embarrassed to do that. I didn’t understand why I had to cry if I didn’t feel that way.
I always say crying is necessary, but better from serenity, without unnecessary shows. We still have a lot to learn and to free ourselves from learned cultures that only cause us anguish. I think it’s better, to fill ourselves with the love that our loved ones leave for us.